Flow for Joe

I cant help it, ya know, cuz when the words come, they flow, no tellin’ where Imma go I’ve been gone three years cuz I couldn’t find the word, cuz I was hurt, what do ya expect, I was forced to put you under dirt, and I’m not gon’ lie, all I did was cry and deny the truth. Why?  Why you?  Why not me?You were always stronger than I’ll ever be and I wanna leave but I can’t so instead I’ll just kick it, smoke some weed, pop some pills, it’s the only way I can chill, mellow out, cuz without, I’ll go crazy without a doubt.  I wish I could go back to that night, back in time, yeah, when I was fourteen and outta line with a gun to my head, Russian roulette style, but it was the fourth click instead.  Click, click, click, so I popped open that shit, yup, fourth bullet, fuck it, I’m better than this, gotta rise above all of it.  Quick, grab me a pen, let’s begin with a trip to a fateful Sunday night when I dipped from work, we were spose to kick it right, sit back and do some blow that night.  I called you up instead, “Na brother, I’m not gonna go, but call me tomorrow, I got that dro.  Don’t forget I love you bro.”  “Damn K, gonna miss ya face, but I’ll see ya tomorrow, and I love you ok.”  Then a phone click.  Tomorrow came, and you didn’t.  And to this day, I can’t believe it, it feels fake, see, but it can’t be, I remember that fresh fade you must’ve gotten that day, see, and I laid eyes on a black casket with white satin, praying hands to match ya chest, only for the best in the West.  Dressed so fresh wearing blue jeans and a black tall tee, white sneaks.  Joe, I remember fallin’ to my knees when I saw your lifeless body, ran outside, it was straight sunny, but with you shining down, the rain fell and meshed in wit my face, then came the pain and even through all the pills and cocaine, couldn’t get numb enough to strip it away, to overdose, just a numb nose.  Without a doubt, you had a packed house, a person like you, well-known. When I read what I wrote, every word quivered, every word showed just how much you meant to me Joe.  I never really appreciated mother nature then, not until the day we buried ya, cuz when they covered ya with dirt, I fell to Mother Earth with pain, written plain as day across my face and after that I visited you practically every day, anyway, I caught myself slippin’, talkin’ to you even though you weren’t livin’.  You gave me signs, no lies, the wind blew and the blunt smoke scattered, and my tears pitter-pattered on your headstone, blown, with blow in the cracks and I finally realized, I finally snapped, you’re not coming back, whereas years ago it should’ve been me, you passing on must have some truth in that.  Lay out the facts. I’d give anything to have your life back.  I’m tryin’ to wake up Joe, tryin’ to make a promise, to grow from the mistakes we mad as young guns and sometimes I give in to temptation, yeah, she’s a wild bitch, but it gets easier to ignore the itch, to reject the teaser, it’s easier to say no today then it was in past years, not gon’ cave.  I know you’re just a prayer away, and I know I’ll see you again someday, at the crossroads, yeah I know it’ll happen when the time is right, and until then, I’ll keep the promise I made to not give up the fight.