2010

As I sit here in the final minutes of 2010, I find it a bit cliche that I am reflecting on the year.  Yet, I am almost certain that there are MILLIONS of other people who are or have done the same.  I must say, 2010 defined my year as an adult. 

I went from just going to school and smoking and working, to doing all those things but actually having a social life.  Granted, it wasn't much of one, but I went out more often, had beers on more than one occasion just because, and engaged in older adult interaction (whereas now it's legit to be 23 and talk intelligently with a 50 year old). 

I also started at UNM, and if their education program didn't suck so bad, I'd stay there.  Granted, it's all she said, he said b/s from NMHU but I know many transfers from UNM so I don't doubt it.  But so far, English is legit.

I also moved out, failed, moved back home, and I gotta say, so far so good.  But I do realize my failure is due to my actions, but hey, I'm sure we've all done that once too.

Fall of 2010 brought forth a new, shall we say, discovery.  Many claim to have known all along, but I finally realized it.  It's not to it's full potential that everyone always thought it was, but it's there; a thought that I shall freely admit when brought up in a conversation the third-party initiates.  But, seeing how I am just in the testing phase, there is no need to express my non-sexual hypothesis.

And, FINALLY, after 3 years of being in the dark, my writing has woken up and taken a different road.  I am fine with it.  I am just happy to be writing again!  My lonliness now has company!

With that, I conclude 2010.  AM I GLAD YOU'RE GONE!

I welcome 2011 with open arms, and open mind, and I really do plan on making a difference this year and getting some of my writing out there.

CHEERS TO ALL IN 2011.. Let's really make it a year!

On gifts..

A co-worker and I were talking about giving gifts today.  She's only getting gifts for certain people.  I, on the other hand, am giving all 35 employees gifts; chapstick, socks, lotion, and banana bread.  I think of it this way: Sure, there are select people I would just wanna give gifts, but the others, the ones I don't select, are bound to get me something.  It's because everyone at my job likes me, give or take a few, but still.  So I think, what if I don't get one of those someones a gift?  So instead of leaving anyone out, everyone gets the same thing.  Granted, there are select individuals who get a lil something extra but that's really it.

Isn't it about giving anyways?  Religion aside.

Word

Been doin' a lot of thinkin' yeah, my mind is real crazy, and, lately

I don't feel like myself, a shell, a casing, it's hell

has me pacing halls covered in paste with padded walls

and they might as well restrain me, it's plainly, in writing

it's vague but it's from my mind, comes at any time.

See, you don't believe me when I say I need help, you think I'm fine

I just wanna yell, hell, just gimme a pill

Imma deal with it, take four, shut the door, heal, and deal with it

it might take a couple of minutes, maybe hours, days, weeks, or even years

we all saw what happened, but I made it, I'm still here

I've gained back your eyes, maybe one day I'll have ya ears.

No lie, truth all around

I'm not gonna deny my schizophrenic mind, it's beautiful

full of hope, dope, yeah I quit the coke

nope, maybe not cold turkey, but it's no longer a tease for me

guess I just tamed my addictive personality, crawled into the lap of reality

waking up, shaking it up like Elvis Presley.

Metaphors and similies are becoming a hobby, a specialty

lobby, reform, just don't conform, be yourself

yeah it's hard but don't make it about wealth and be stealth

in your navigation cuz with a mind like mind, no tellin' the destination

ya don't need a high class education to understand my presentation I have a PhD in augmentation

of the mind, make ya think with a rhyme, it may take sometime

but soon, you'll realize that the truth is better than a lie

even though the truth is easier to hide.

I'm worth the ride, the trip, I'm addictive like the drip

sweet or sour, depends on the hour and Imma stop being a coward

gonna get to ya by using my words, word, that's my favorite word

it can mean any word, and I'll continue to use it forever

Word...

Introduction

Tic, tac, toe, here I go, about to introduce myself in a flow,

the name’s K, or Kristin, just shut up and listen, I guess you can say,

I’m tired of runnin’, tired of hidin’, so I’m back and I’m rhymin’

with rhymes so sick, it’s practically poetic, there’s no denyin’ it, quick,

who said I needed to sell drugs to kick it?  Yeah I’ve done played the game but quit it cold turkey,

yeah the money is fine but the time ain’t worth it. 

Who said I was over and done with this shit? 

I’m just changin’ up the game, in search of the fame, I ain’t playin’,

games are my specialty, because in my world, it’s mind over body,

skip the looks and judge my personality, I’mma technicality, thinkin’ logically,

gonna teach ya a little somethin’ about morality, I’m comin’ clean,

yeah I smoke the green, would ya rather see me insane, goin’ crazy? 

I’m makin’ my own rules, never know I used to sell drugs with my grades in school. 

 That’s the first rule; go to school, don’t be a downright fool.  Skip to number two;

watch ya back, trust no woman, trust no man, the only trust ya have is in ya hands. 

Just remember the fans, that’s rule three, cuz without em, you wouldn’t be you and I wouldn’t be me

cuz it gives me someone to write to when I’m lonely,

when I’m feelin’ low, even when I’m flyin’ high,

yeah that’s right, I’m spittin’ game in a rhyme.  Rule four says that’s fine

so long as I draw the line, and leave out names til they drop mine.

Rule five is tell less lies, keep it real, keep it right, cuz there’s only one chance at this thing called life,

Rule six says stash ya tricks, keep em in a bag til you're ready to bang 

and rule seven says ya better make it to some kind of heaven,

whether it be God driven or just tryin’ to meet an old friend. 

Rule eight is the promise made to become MADE, whether it’s years, months, or days. 

Rule nine says there’s no time to get it right so long as you’re not givin’ up the fight,

cut the lights, hop on this flight because rule ten is to tell everyone I’m back again

and I’m sorry I ran and I owe it to ya man, woman, husbands, wives, even the children. 

Check out the intensity, do ya feel it as ya step closer to me?  This electricity,

it’s kind of frightening, perfect timing, I was getting bored of this life thing,

so I’m sitting here writing, just trying, to tell a story,

time to shine and claim my glory

cuz it’s mine for the taking, a beautiful mind in the making, just wait and see,

yeah I know it’s different, but it’s the new me, I’ll take what I can get,

gonna have so many number one hits, pay close attention right quick,

been gone three years, best believe I’m ready to spill it,

like oil, I’m royal, and I’m loyal, no time to toil, to fuss,

to cause a ruckus on things that don’t make sense to all of us.  Love or lust? 

I don’t see what’s the fuss, playa hatin’ ain’t a must, please trust,

I’m goin’ deeper than the Earth’s crust, to the core, I can’t be stuck in that world anymore,

I’ve opened the door, step right in, wipe your feet on the mat, then come right in, take a seat,

soon, I’ll begin…

Flow for Joe

I cant help it, ya know, cuz when the words come, they flow, no tellin’ where Imma go I’ve been gone three years cuz I couldn’t find the word, cuz I was hurt, what do ya expect, I was forced to put you under dirt, and I’m not gon’ lie, all I did was cry and deny the truth. Why?  Why you?  Why not me?You were always stronger than I’ll ever be and I wanna leave but I can’t so instead I’ll just kick it, smoke some weed, pop some pills, it’s the only way I can chill, mellow out, cuz without, I’ll go crazy without a doubt.  I wish I could go back to that night, back in time, yeah, when I was fourteen and outta line with a gun to my head, Russian roulette style, but it was the fourth click instead.  Click, click, click, so I popped open that shit, yup, fourth bullet, fuck it, I’m better than this, gotta rise above all of it.  Quick, grab me a pen, let’s begin with a trip to a fateful Sunday night when I dipped from work, we were spose to kick it right, sit back and do some blow that night.  I called you up instead, “Na brother, I’m not gonna go, but call me tomorrow, I got that dro.  Don’t forget I love you bro.”  “Damn K, gonna miss ya face, but I’ll see ya tomorrow, and I love you ok.”  Then a phone click.  Tomorrow came, and you didn’t.  And to this day, I can’t believe it, it feels fake, see, but it can’t be, I remember that fresh fade you must’ve gotten that day, see, and I laid eyes on a black casket with white satin, praying hands to match ya chest, only for the best in the West.  Dressed so fresh wearing blue jeans and a black tall tee, white sneaks.  Joe, I remember fallin’ to my knees when I saw your lifeless body, ran outside, it was straight sunny, but with you shining down, the rain fell and meshed in wit my face, then came the pain and even through all the pills and cocaine, couldn’t get numb enough to strip it away, to overdose, just a numb nose.  Without a doubt, you had a packed house, a person like you, well-known. When I read what I wrote, every word quivered, every word showed just how much you meant to me Joe.  I never really appreciated mother nature then, not until the day we buried ya, cuz when they covered ya with dirt, I fell to Mother Earth with pain, written plain as day across my face and after that I visited you practically every day, anyway, I caught myself slippin’, talkin’ to you even though you weren’t livin’.  You gave me signs, no lies, the wind blew and the blunt smoke scattered, and my tears pitter-pattered on your headstone, blown, with blow in the cracks and I finally realized, I finally snapped, you’re not coming back, whereas years ago it should’ve been me, you passing on must have some truth in that.  Lay out the facts. I’d give anything to have your life back.  I’m tryin’ to wake up Joe, tryin’ to make a promise, to grow from the mistakes we mad as young guns and sometimes I give in to temptation, yeah, she’s a wild bitch, but it gets easier to ignore the itch, to reject the teaser, it’s easier to say no today then it was in past years, not gon’ cave.  I know you’re just a prayer away, and I know I’ll see you again someday, at the crossroads, yeah I know it’ll happen when the time is right, and until then, I’ll keep the promise I made to not give up the fight.

Quickie

Yeah, I can't carry a tune, but I can write one, somethin' so good, it make ya eyes pop, can't stop, I've got, time to burn another one, ain't that somethin' hun? Lotta fun, gotta run, into my own little world, you bring some boys, I'll bring some girls, real talk, I'm the spot, make it hot, think ya better? I think not.  Even when I'm sick, I'm so ill, once again I'm real, haters is fakers, but I'm the maker, my own creator, dictator, Mr. Richter scale says Imma ten, well, guess I win, quick, go buy me a five dolla pen, and some paper, green or white, it don't matter, I'll just keep on climbin' this ladder, to the top, even then I won't stop, caught, I think not, cuz my mind is on rewind and I can't stop time, slow it down, claim my crown, throw up the A and rep my town

Quick tip...

There's no point in hiding what we, and everyone else, already know. It's discovering who we are that is difficult. Who's to say you're something you're not? Who's to say you can't do something you know you can? You are the master of your own fate, the captain of your own soul... dream on my friends ♥ Kristin

Life Lesson.. Ok.. It's common sense

So I get out of class tonight, skate to my car in the darkness I totally spaced about.  I park in a parking lot off of Yale; $2.50, but I can stay at the library all I want...

ANYWAYS...

I hop off my board and there is this car next to me; someone had left their car keys on the trunk of their car.  So I figured, put them on the windshield wipers.  I loaded up my car, then thought better of it.  I wrote, "You left your keys on the trunk of your car so I hid them in a place where all our money goes.  Sorry for the obvious riddle, but I don't want anyone to still your car.  Call me and ask for Kristin" and I left my number.
About 9:30 tonight, I get this phone call.  It's this lady thanking me for finding her keys.  Apparently, she was all messed up after a dental surgery today and couldn't believe she lost her keys.  She said I was a "blessing, an angel" and that "good karma is coming" my way.

Do to others what you would want done to you.  It's a life lesson.  One perhaps that has change my outlook on life for the better.  It's a form of eutopia, and if we ALL did it, imagine how easy it would be to achieve....

Addicted

I must be some sort of masochist for you, yes it's true, here's a clue, my eyes are smilin'

when I look at you, and ya got me goin' crazy too, just what do you expect me to do?

It's just a feelin' I can't ignore, you walk into the room, my heart drops to the floor,

really, I don't mean to implore, or introduce, but ya walkin' into an open door,

an open book, quick, look, crook, you stole it,

yea, my heart, right out from under my nose, my knows, and I can't ask for it back

because in your hands it feels like home, not alone, or cold as ice

quick, grab some ice, for this bruis that's black and blue

that has me sufferin' when you're touchin' it, gets me hustlin', on my grind,

and you're that desirable paper, gotta get mine.

I've tried to escape it but ya can't run from fate, see,

I have no idea what I'm doin', it's useless, I'm losin',

you're winnin', have my head spinnin'

You see, everytime I see your face, or hear ya voice, it's by choice, that

I succummb to a place where my heart can't keep it's pace, it's a race

and I just keep on chasin' my tail, my personal hell, it jail, imprisoned,

in this life I find myself livin'

goin' in circles, it's a whirl---wind in a world, untamed, unnamed

not built for this pleasureful pain, or any amount of money, any amount of fame

So here, take this crayon, borrow some paint, just go color someone else's town,

someone else's world, just paint someone else's sky

just keep fakin' the truth and maskin' it with a lie

You don't mind setting me on fire, but ya can't stand to watch me burn,

I'd call ya a liar, but I can't stand to see ya hurt

or watch ya cry, see ya frown, watch ya soul leave ya eyes

Cuz when you're around, my heart begins to flutter,

it's them butterflies, and then ya smille and I stutter, stammer,

hit in the head with a hammer, then I can't utter

the words that say you're on my mind all the time, all day

Really, what can I say, you have my heart on stand-by, please standby, stand still

I'm addicted, you're my kind of pill, no lyin', no joke, I'm bein' real, I'll take another dose

Quit bracin' yourself for another lie, here's a hint, it ain't comin', so just relax your mind

Just let it breathe, give in to me, cuz ya got me speakin' the truth

poppin' off honesty without the booth

Don't ya know I can't lie to you? that I'm speakin' the truth when I'm speakin' to you?

It's no blunder, no wonder, no mistake, open ya eyes, I promise you're awake

just quit bein' fake, quit playin' games, it's a shame, you can't expect me to lose this race

I'll take a risk, be this masochist, I'll take your pain, I'll just pop some pills to take it away

then I'll wake up tomorrow and do it over again, I can't help it

I'm Addicted